The Official French Fries Pages
Contest Winners
March, 1999
The question for the February, 1999, contest was:
If you had a full kilo of fresh French Fries, who is the one person with whom you would share them and why?
We started you off with the folowing:
If I had a kilo (2 pounds, 3.4 oz.) of fresh French fries, the one person I would share them with is...
...and we watched the answers pour (OK, OK... trickle) in.
We did say we wanted the answers in essay form, and while we didn't think we were being that tough on you, we hoped for more than "my grandfather", "my son" or my wife", which we received from 8 people. Hazel A. of Maryland was the only one who at least told us who that person was and why she'd share, unlike Dorian D. of California, who simply wants to share them with "Joshua".
Then there were the people who wanted to share them with Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presley, television characters, and so on. Mr. Joe P. (New York) gave a nice description of his Elvis scenario, but alas, it didn't make the grade. Robert D. of California compared the French Fry to Marilyn Monroe. Did JFK like French Fries? Eve R. of Idaho wants to stick Ronald McDonald with the bill for her French Fry habit.
We also stated that people were to send only one entry. Steven C. of Springfield, MO submitted an entry that we might have been able to print here. We were even willing to overlook the poor spelling and punctuation, but then Steven decided that he ought to send it to us a couple more times. Sorry, Steve. (Toilet seat violence also may not have been the best reference for your French Fry story.)
Donn K. (Sr.) of somewhere in the USA wants to share his fries with Teller of Penn & Teller fame. It really hurts us not to award this one more than honourable mention since the Penn & Teller Web site is responsible for so many people finding The Official French Fries Pages, but we got more entries than we expected and many of the stories were really good. The decision was difficult.
We were able to remove a few more contenders when we saw that some people didn't want to share. Loving French Fries is one thing, but Brandon and Josh are a little extreme. We don't think they realise just how many French Fries there are in a kilo.
Tara T. of Pennsylvania didn't read the info and disclaimers on the page and her entry looked more like a resumé for a promotions position with Formula 9 Ketchup. We've passed your entry on to Mr. Labbe, Tara.
Enough stalling. We had to make a decision and it was tough, but here are the winners of the February Contest:
If I had a kilo (2 pounds, 3.4 oz.) of fresh French fries, the one person I would share them with is Peter Jennings of the evening news, because he is the best common tater. If he weren't dead, I would have chosen Abbie Hoffmann (an agit tater) or Mahatma Gandhi (a medi tater). Wordplay and bad puns always score big points here at the OFFP. How could Alice not win with an entry like this one? Congratulations and enjoy your ketchups!
First prize goes to Alice Strauss of Gambier, Ohio
Runners up: (so there are four, not three. We couldn't help ourselves.)
Kate Walker of Jacksonville, Florida (Roasted Garlic Ketchup)
If I had a kilo (2 pounds, 3.4 oz.) of fresh French fries, the one person I would share them with is Dr. Jackson. She is the professor who failed me last semester. I am doing my best to brown-nose her into giving me a passing grade. It is going well so far. She told me she would if I turned in all of the homework I didn't do for her class. Well, that was a few weeks ago, and I turned only five out of twelve assignments in yesterday. So, I need a little help. I tried to tell her that I am just not a homework type person, but I don't think I convinced her. Maybe if I win the Formula 9 Gourmet ketchup, I could give her a bottle. We could eat the fries with the ketchup together, and she would get to know me and figure out that I really am not a homework type person! So, please help a struggling college student and pick me.
We do not condone bribery per se, but we are certainly in favour of better student-teacher relationships. And sitting down together over a large plate of tasty French Fries is certainly one way to break the ice!
Valerie Rousseau of Montréal, Québec, Canada (Cranberry Ketchup)
If I had a kilo (2 pounds, 3.4 oz.) of fresh French fries, the one person I would share them with is my long-time friend Michèle. Michèle and I met 21 years ago when we were 4 years old and have been friends ever since. We have gone through the good times and bad... but most of all, we have gone throught the weight fluctuations. Our pet names for each other are "fat ass" and "chubby", and those names have motivated us to lose more than 40 pounds combined!! We deserve a treat... one Kilo of fries!! Furthermore, Michèle is a potato addict. As I prefer chocolates and gummy bears, she would be in heaven ina potato field with a stove and a deep frier! French fries, chip, mashed, sautéed, baked, roasted, hashed, parisienned, or any way... she's a real potato gal! I would share them with her just to watch the pleasure on her face as the kechup drips from her chin, the grease making her lips glossy like a fresh coat of lipstick!
Neither we nor Califrance can be held liable for any increase in caloric intake brought about by the rewarding of this bottle of Cranberry ketchup!
Laura Busenlehner of Bryan, Texas (Roasted Garlic Ketchup)
If I had a kilo (2 pounds, 3.4 oz.) of fresh French fries, the one son I would share them with is none other than the remarkable, the oustanding, the (dare-I-say) "zany" Tom Jones!! (You hear ladies screaming in the background.) Yes, that sex symbol himself is the man I would choose to share my cripsy, golden fries with. Not only is he a fabulous singer, but he is also someone who I am strangely fascinated by. I mean, those skimpy spandex shirts and the tight pants are enough to drive any woman to obsession. That remins me of how I am with french fries, so a logical extension would be to bring my two obsessions together. Just as long as his chest hair doesn't fall in my ketchup, I think our fry sharing experience will be one for my memory book.
Does anyone know if Tom Jones likes French Fries? Could you help us snare him for a celebrity interview? Is there such a thing as a chest hair net so that Laura's perfect fantasy isn't ruined by a weak follicle?
George Elliot of Dallas, Texas (Roasted Garlic Ketchup)
If I had a kilo (2 pounds, 3.4 oz.) of fresh French fries, the one person I would share them with is Dan Quail. He is one of the few people lett who know how to spell potatoe.
We're pretty sure this one is intentional.The OFFP is NOT a partisan site and does not like to mix with politics. We're just glad we're not a site which has anything to do with tobacco products. French Fries are much healthier.
Honourable mentions (but unfortunately no ketchup) go to: Alex West of Hebron, CT; Joyce Falk of Columbus, OH; Donn Kelly Sr. of somewhere in the USA; and LaDonna Huckaby of Bonaire, GA, who would use French Fries and tasty ketchup as a bribe to get her daughter to clean her room. Would that the parents of the judges have had such an idea some years earlier...
We want to thank everyone who submitted an entry (even the ones we teased). It's not much of a contest if there aren't any entries, and this was at least as amusing for us as it was for you. Feel free to enter future contests.
By the way, everybody who entered got the Germany question right (or checked the box that said Not Applicable). We were pleased to see that people take such interest in foreign affairs.
he Official French Fries Pages states for the record that we are solely responsible for this silly contest and probably deserve any problems we have as a result. Unless you mean "probably deserve" in a strictly legal sense, in which case we plead Not Guilty of whatever the charge is and plan to use ignorance and anything else we can come up with as our mitigation. Actually, we only thought of this disclaimer at the last minute and even then had to write it without the luxury of a boilerplate or legal counsel.The maker of the ketchup, Califrance, is only involved in this contest inasmuch as it is providing the prizes and paying for the shipping. It has no authority or control of the contest nor of the content of any pages on this Web site. None. It's our site. And in case you're wondering, no, we didn't "kiss up" to them by writing a great review just to get free ketchup.
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